life as we know it

life, unfortunately, is not something we can control. Life is not something that we can make happen. Life is what happens to us. It is true that we make our own decisions, but we do not control the repercussions or even the what the original question was that we made the decision to. We do not control the outcome of any event, we even have very limited control over our very own feelings. Often times we are helpless spectators to a reaction of instinct, hormones, and social conditioning, that often make choices for us, that as rational human beings we look back and thing "what was I thinking?"

Life long memories, and experiences and funny stories cannot be created. For it is the very element of unpredictability, they very unexpected, the spontaneous crazy uniqueness, that makes them our special memories, and our special experiences. Anything we try to manufacture ends up being fake and meaningless, and many of us end up living fake and meaningless lives trying to manufacture a lifestyle, a personality, a friendship, a relationship, a love life, a meaningful job, a social grouping, or even a church. You cannot manufacture a sense or a feeling or a connection. These are the things that make us uniquely me or you.

Live your life uniquely you. Don't be afraid of the moment. Don't be afraid of the loneliness or the challenge. Don't be afraid of love or of hate. Most of all don't try to make it happen, don't try to fall in love, don't try to make the moment right, don't try to understand when you don't understand. Simply embrace where you are, and take what it has for you. Learn what you were meant to learn, and forget what you were meant to forget. Become who you were meant to be, not who you want to be, or who society wants you to be, but who you are destined to become.

"In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round
I stand there for a minute starin’ straight into the ground
Lookin’ to the left slightly, then lookin’ back down
World feels like it’s caved in – proper sorry frown
Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us
I can change and I can grow or we could adjust
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust
We can even have an open relationship, if you must
I look at her she stares almost straight back at me
But her eyes glaze over like she’s lookin’ straight through me
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity
When they open up she’s lookin’ down at her feet

So then I move my hand up from down by my side
It's shakin’, my life is crashin’ before my eyes
Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies
Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh
‘Cause I can’t imagine my life without you and me
There’s things I can’t imagine doin’, things I can’t imagine seein’
It weren't supposed to be easy, surely
Please, please, I beg you please
She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested
She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she’s blessed with
She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures
By pushin’ my hand away to my chest, from hers

And I’m just standin’ there, I can’t say a word
‘Cause everythin’s just gone
I’ve got nothin’
Absolutely nothin’

Tryin’ to pull her close out of bare desperation
Put my arms around her tryin’ to change what she’s sayin’
Pull my head level with hers so she might engage in
Look into her eyes to make her listen again
I’m not gonna fuckin’, just fuckin’ leave it all now
‘Cause you said it'd be forever and that was your vow
And you’re gonna let our things simply crash and fall down
You’re well out of order now, this is well out of town
She pulls away, my arms are tightly clamped round her waist
Gently pushes me back and she looks at me straight
Turns around so she’s now got her back to my face
Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away

I know in the past I’ve found it hard to say
Tellin’ you things, but not tellin’ straight
But the more I pull on your hand and say
The more you pull away"

-the streets

sometimes I hate it when something someone says or write makes you think about things that you should be thinking about, but don't want to think about.

I hate it when you meet someone new and they seem so amazing and intresting, but then after you get to know them for awhile they turn out not to be anything you thought they were at all.

I think all the free agent frenzy going on in the NHL is totally crazy, yet fun, yet I wish that the canucks were doing more, only I know they can't under the new cap cause they're already at the top of the salary range!!

I hate it when people try and tell me how I should live my life and how I should be but really I can tell the advice they are giving me is really just advice on how to be more like them, and I don't want to be anything like them. I don't want to be recreated in your image.

I feel surrounded by negative energy and events and its getting harder to ignore it right now.

i'm at a turning point in my life and I need all the spiritual strength i can get.

I haven't been to church in over a month and I don't really feel like going ever again.

I wish I could tell you in more detail where I am at. but I can't.
later yall